The Adventures of Ruby Rose and Weiss Schnee
by Unjax
Summary: Being a huntress is hard enough as it is. For Weiss Schnee, who has to deal with the energetic force of nature known as Ruby Rose on her missions, it's even worse. T for mild themes. Really just a place to mess around.
1. Chapter 1

Weiss hated the henchmen missions.

If one were to ask almost any huntsman or huntress in the world, they would not even be able to identify the difference between a henchman mission and any other civilian-crime mission. Because for most people, there was no need to be this _annoyed_.

Ruby, unlike anyone sane, always decided that infiltration was the easiest way to accomplish the goals of the mission. No to an electric dust round to the back of the target, momentarily disabling him for a quick extraction. No to frontal assault. No to covert stealth. Weiss had even offered to blow out the back of the building this time.

No to it all.

Ruby had been interested in only one course of action.

Just one.

"Stay here, I think a patrol should come by soon."

"Who will recognize you're not one of them immediately."

"I am a master of disguise, Weiss."

Weiss typed out a quick message on her scroll to Blake.

To her dismay, Blake's reply was always the same:

 _No, I do not want to ditch the sisters and make our own team. I quite like mine._

"I don't know why I go along with these idiot ideas." Weiss muttered to herself.

"Because they're wicked awesome!"

"They neither disposed to mischief nor do they render one unto awe."

"Has anyone ever told you you're a buzzkill?"

"Has anyone told you you're an idiot?"

"Yes!" Ruby proclaimed with a grin.

"Which makes you happy… Why?"

"Because those who see your ideas as idiotic are simply incapable of comprehending their genius."

"Did you subscribe to an uplifting quote site again?"

"They are motivational and make me happy inside."

Weiss rolled her eyes. _Stupid, stupid Ruby._

"So, Weiss?"

"Yes?"

"I messed up…"

"Is this where I gasp in surprise?"

"No… Now I have to pretend I captured you."

"Wait, wha-" Weiss was cut off as Ruby tossed her around the corner. Weiss rolled into a crouch, hand on the ground and already summoning a glyph as wide as she was tall. The temperature fell a dozen degrees, and the two white fang members walking down the street wheeled backwards in surprise.

"I have comprehended an invad-err… Oh. Um, help brothers!"

"We're both girls." One of them, a kitty cat with cute kitty cat ears, said with a cocked hip.

"Please just shoot her." Ruby begged pointing at Weiss.

 _I am going to kill her._ Weiss decided, raising her hands and letting Myrtenaester drop.

"I love your hair." Ruby said to another girl with short bangs as they led Weiss through the compound. The 'compound' was really just three warehouses, but Weiss supposed it made them feel all big and scary to call their midnight AA club the 'compound.'

General Tso, a faunus with bright feathers running down the middle of his hair, looked at the three guards who had captured Weiss Schnee.

"The three of you apprehended her?"

"Yes sir!" Ruby beamed proudly with a quick-stepped salute.

"Don't do that. This isn't a military."

"Yes sir!" Ruby repeated the motion. The general was still for a moment, sighed, and then turned to Weiss.

"Captured by a splinter group of the White Fang, Ms. Schnee. How very unlike you."

"Couldn't resist your charm." Weiss said dryly and bored.

"Oh really?" He turned to the trio of guards. "And which of you low ranking recruits of the White Fang managed to lower Ms. Schnee's aura so much?"

"That was me sir?" Ruby snapped into a salute. He glared at her until she lowered her arm.

Tso grunted and turned away, pulling out his revolver.

"Would you like to know what I believe miss Schnee?" He asked checking his cartridge and walking ominously away from her.

" _Hey, is that the new standard issue rifle?"_ Ruby whispered to the girl next to her. " _Can I see it?"_

"Uh, sure… But its the same rifle as always…" The girl trailed off as Ruby shuffled around her, grabbing the gun as she went.

"Oh, it's so cool… Look at these Spader bolts…"

"I believe that perhaps you hired help. Perhaps you wanted to get captured, and you needed a way in." Tso whirled around and fired his revolver, laying low the girl whose gun Ruby had taken. She bled _everywhere_. "But without your hired help to distract my guards, what will you do now?" Tso raised his hand, and the guard that was actually white fang raised his gun to her head. Ruby followed a second later.

"Sure, your aura could hold out for, what, five, six bullets from each gun? But you'd die all the same. So now I have truly caught you, Schnee." He paused and looked at Ruby. "I'm sorry but, what type of faunus are you?"

"Excuse me?"

"What type of fauns are you?"

"Isn't it a little impolite to ask?"

"Please, I must know. I can see no features that could distinguish you from a human."

"Um… Spider?"

"Spider?"

"Yeah, spider. I have, um, two extra eyes."

"Oh. Where?"

"Y'know, under the mask. Where you can't see them."

"Really? That must be agonizing."

"Really it is sir, the worst part is getting it on and off though."

"Oh, so I shouldn't ask you to show me?"

"I would appreciate it."

"Do you have any other traits?"

"Uh.. Yeah. I bleed purple."

"You're saying if I shot you, right now, you'd bleed purple?"

"Whoa! Hostile workplace. Why would you shoot me?"

"I wouldn't, but if I did."

"But why would you? That's where I'm stuck."

"I don't know. Say you were a human. Pretending to be one of us. To help miss Schnee."

"Which I'm not."

"Yes, but if you were, I could shoot you, and if it was purple, it would prove me wrong."

"That seems like an extreme way to test."

"So why not take off your mask."

"… I told you it really hurts."

"So then I should shoot you."

"Wait, I think we should-"

"Ruby?" Weiss interrupted.

"Yes?"

"I think your cover's blown."

General Tso, the chicken faunus, cocked his revolver.

"I think you might be right."

It was relatively clean process after that. Ruby took the general, Weiss wiped up the henchwoman, and they got their quarry down to the local policia.

"Every time," Weiss sighed as they walked back towards their apartment.

"What?" Ruby whined, lapping at her double chocolate chip mint ice cream.

"You do something stupid every time."

Ruby grinned.

"I hate you." Weiss seethed.

"You love me." Ruby skipped alongside her.

"Yeah…" Weiss sighed and strode in step with Ruby.


	2. Chapter 2: Scarlet Saga, Part 1

Scarlet O'hare was bunny faunus and a diplomat from Atlas. Recently, with many death threats from the splinter White Fang groups, Scarlet had been a nervous wreck. Things had reached a peak earlier in the day when a group had attempted to kidnap Scarlet. Ruby and Weiss had been getting their breakfast when they saw the commotion. They had secured him and gotten away from the area, but there were still fifty or so White Fang, and they were doing the best to protect the man and get him to a safe location.

Like the embassy.

On the other side of town.

"My partner, Ruby, and I are huntresses. We specialize on in-kingdom missions. Do you know what that means?"

Scarlet shook his head.

"It means we deal with situations like this all the time." Ruby returned from scanning the perimeter and closed the door of the warehouse office behind her as she came in. "Isn't that right Ruby?"

"Yes ma'am!"

"And you'll have our undivided attention." Weiss stood up, hands on her hips and chin held high. She could almost see Scarlet believing her, believing everything would be alright and that the White Fang had not probably already killed his family and some such.

"Well, not undivided." Ruby murmured.

Weiss could almost see Scarlet's faith shatter.

"What?" He stammered.

"Well, for one thing, I'm very grumpy with you."

"WHY?" He exclaimed. "A bunch of fricken terrorists just tried to kidnap me!"

"' _Local diplomat says that only way to show faith in faunus in light of allegations to home kingdom for faunus slavery is a peaceful coexistance…'_ Weiss, he left home without his bodyguards. Silly diplomat."

"You're saying this is my fault?!" Weiss sighed.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that we get Scarlet to the embassy where he'll be safe. For which, our undivided attention would be useful."

"Well… There's one other thing." Ruby mused.

"What could it possibly be?" Weiss wondered aloud.

"I'm hungry."

"Really?" Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on.

"Well, he did interrupt breakfast. I didn't have time to grab my croissant before tackling him out of the way of fifty dust rifles."

Come to think of it, that was probably why Weiss was getting a headache. Fortunately it wasn't from Ruby's idiocy, otherwise Weiss would be prone to frequent migraines.

"I think there are more important things right now, Ruby."

"Tell that to my tummy ache." Ruby pouted.

"You live in constant strife, Ruby." Weiss forced herself to take a breath and cut the sarcasm out of her voice. "Could you please, just focus? Okay?"

"… Fine."

"Oka-"

"Scarlet?" Ruby interrupted Weiss.

"Um… Yes?"

"Do you make a lot of money?"

"Um…"

"Because, if I save your life for the gillionth time today, will you please buy me a croissant?" Ruby gave him a glare that was both pouting and sad. She looked like a kicked dog that thought it had let down its loving owner.

"Yeah… I'll buy you a croissant."

Ruby perked up. "Let's go!" She exclaimed and made to skip off. Weiss made to follow before stopping to ensure the diplomat was coming.

"Let's go." She prompted.

"Are we just going to skip out into the streets?" He asked worriedly. Weiss smirked.

"Trust me, when she gets like this, you don't want to be one of the bad guys."

Fifty concussions and a diplomat in a shock blanket later, Ruby and Weiss were eating chocolate filled croissants over pipping hot coffees as Detective Cadmium debriefed them. The detective smirked as she finished jotting down notes.

"Do you know what I find really curious?" The detective asked, tapping her ben to her lip. "Every time you two save someone, they thank you by buying you coffee and croissants. She said it loud enough that the diplomat, sitting in the back of the ambulance with his herbal tea and shock blanket, could hear her. Ruby shot him a razor glare. He flinched away.

The detective smiled.

"If you guys get paid like everyone else on the kingdom's payroll, I don't blame you. Everyone deserves tips." The detective gave them a wink and moved on.

"Huntresses do not, in fact, get paid like everyone else on the kingdom's payroll." Weiss noted to Ruby, one eyebrow raised. There were also a lot of private organizations that paid well for things deemed in the kingdom's good interest. Not to mention the base salary was nothing to scoff at.

"It's not about the money, Weiss." Ruby took a deep sip of her coffee and smiled contentedly. She waved at the diplomat with her pinky finger, as the rest of her fingers were busy holding things she had made him buy. "It's about sending a message."

The diplomat took a hasty sip of his tea, hiding his eyes.

"You know, I'm half convinced you're some devious villain just fucking with us." Weiss noted dryly.

"Only with you, m'dear." Ruby winked at Weiss.

"Come on, we've still got to get to the office." Weiss pulled Ruby along until they arrived at their workplace.

It was a good thing that most of the hunting business was based on word of mouth, otherwise no one would ever take them seriously.

Because, at Ruby's insistence, their hunting firm was titled _Super Amazing Awesome Huntresses Who Have Cool Adventures: Weiss Schnee and Ruby Rose (SAAHWHCA:WSaRR)._

Weiss was amazed that she had any clients at all most days.

/

 _A/N:_

 _I thought my local diplomat joke was pretty funny, but no one laughed._

 _-Ruby Rose, on the walk to the office_

 _Cheers,_

 _-Unjax_


End file.
